Thursday 28 January 2010

"Always be a poet, even in prose"

Poetry is a mirror which makes beautiful that which is distorted. ~Percy Shelley, A Defence of Poetry, 1821

Receiving pain can be casual for me, but submission could never be. Whilst I can enjoy pain for its own sake, and I can enjoy sex for its own sake, the best kind of sex involves pain, just like the best kind of pain involves sex. BDSM is poetry of the body – and with the right partner(s), it becomes poetry of the heart, mind and spirit, too.

How can something so distorted be so beautiful? I like to be used – used badly. I crave degradation, and abuse. I need to be hurt, broken, debased – shattered into a thousand pieces, ruined. And then remade. I want to love and be loved. I want to adore. I want to submit. I want to fight back until I scratch weals in your skin. I want to scream your name in rage and panic. I want to sob until make-up runs down my face, my eyes huge and terrified. I want to be safe. I want to be frightened. I want to be torn apart, then reborn. I want to be empowered; I want to become the person I love being - who can say yes as well as no.

And...when I play with you, it is so beautiful to me. It leaves me feeling content and happy and safe, wanted, cared for, shining. Little pieces of my soul made whole again. No matter how you abuse me, no matter how depraved or violent, dark and nasty our play is, no matter how badly you use me, I will be uplifted by it.

When we take pleasure in each other's bodies, out of love - Agápe, Éros, or philia - whether it lasts for a night, or a lifetime, however marvellously twisted and unique and debauched it may be – it cannot be ugly. This is a joyful thing, precious and to be cherished, no matter how abundant and plentiful it becomes in our lives.

I am so very lucky to have so much joy in my life.