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Having been cursed with a Difficult Mimsy, now that the curse has been lifted [insert Magic Wand joke here], I feel it is my duty to make the following public service announcement:
Little Imp's Guide to Having Your First Orgasm, for Girls with Difficult Mimsys.
1) Are all the Bits present and correct?
Far be it from me to medicalise a person's sexuality, but if you've got to middle age and been bashing away at your clit with knife, fork, and lobster hammer for years and nothing's happened, it might be worth going to the doctor to check all is well.
Also, are you a mental? Because whilst chucking the odd Wobbler shouldn't interfere, if you're rigid with anxiety constantly, or stuck in bed sobbing 24/7, it's probably best to get that sorted first before you tackle your Unmentionables.
2) Location, location, location
This is not something you're going to achieve under time constraints, or stress. If you've got a selection of children/ partners/ pets/ work colleagues banging on the door of the lounge/ bedroom/ bathroom/ stationery cupboard, it's going to put you off a wee bit. So find somewhere that you can, at the very least, lie down comfortably, for at least an hour, in peace and quiet. It doesn't have to be a secret, but in my experience there's nothing less likely to lead to an orgasm than pressure. So having your boyfriend doing Hopeful Face afterwards is not going to help. You may want to develop a habit of 'taking long baths with the door locked while listening to the radio', for example.
3) Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither was a Magic Mimsy
You should be prepared to put in the overtime on this one. It's worth it - you're doing something nice for yourself. Think an hour a week, on a regular basis, for the foreseable future. Don't make 'having an orgasm' the goal. Make 'playing with yourself and enjoying the sensations' the goal. And if you think an hour is a long time - for years it used to take me at least an hour to reach orgasm, every time!
4) Tools of the Trade
You're going to need some equipment. Unless you've never so much as touched your ladies front bottom before, get busy browsing the sex shops. Online is okay, but in person is better. Really, you need to be thinking D batteries, not AAA, okay? Go for something you can use on your clit, which vibrates. I wouldn't recommend a hitachi magic wand or equivalent for a beginner. Twenty minutes with one of those and your clit'll go numb, which is NOT what you want.
You could try a rabbit style vibrator (one with clit stimulator and dildo all in one), or a clit stimulator and dildo/ vibrator for insertion as two or more separate things.
Everyone's different so see what appeals to you.
5) Different Strokes for Different Folks
Find out what does it for you, what gets you off. Is it soft or hard? Porn - and if so, what kind? Erotic writing with an emphasis on sensual, or nasty videos? Does it need to have a BDSM element?
Do you like to wank on your front, or on your back? Lying down, or squatting? Music, or none? Do you like to use both hands, or just one? Do you need to feel submissive, or dominant, or neither?
What do you like to fantasise about? Do you need something inside you to cum, or just on your clit? Arse or pussy? Lights on or off? Morning, noon or night? What temperature should the room be? Naked, or semi-naked, or clothed?
You need to get your body, and your mind, to the same place. You need to be physically and emotionally comfortable, and able to explore and let your hands and mind play.
6) Practice, Practice, Practice
It might take you a dozen times, to find the golden combination that sends you over the edge. Or you might go off like a rocket within five minutes of trying. But be prepared to put some time into this. The more you wank the better and easier it will get, to come to orgasm. It's a learning curve.
Then you can teach other people how to do it to you!
7) The Tao of Wanking
Do not let anyone put pressure on you to cum. That's like a cold shower on your mimsy.
8) Schrodinger's Pussy (stretching the metaphor rather)
Don't let your orgasm become the focus or end goal of sex. Orgasms are like a shy cat, hiding under the bed. They may or may not be in there but the moment you lift the sheet up to check, they bolt. They don't like to be looked at directly, it makes them feel self-conscious!
9) Advanced Class
Buy a magic wand. No, really.
10) Go forth and cum!
Monday 22 November 2010
Orgasm Addict
Oh, I am a nasty, slutty whore. I'm going through one of those phases at the moment where I can't keep my mitts off my mimsy. I keep grabbing every spare moment when my husband leaves the house to fit in a quick magic wanding before work.
The irony of it is that orgasms used to be such an area of difficulty for me.
I'm 34 now, and it wasn't until my late 20s that I learned how to have an orgasm. And it *was* a learning process. I felt like such a massive freak, not being able to cum. Every time that orgasms came up during girly chit chat (talking about them that is, I'm not referring to a massive lezz session. Although... ) I would feel like a fraud, and try to find some way to exit the conversation without lying or confessing my inadequacy.
And that *is* how I used to see it. As a flaw in me. As my body not working properly. Or me being too mental. Broken. Stamped with a big 'FAIL' over my aunty mary.
I put such pressure on myself that I gave up. Rather than trying, then constantly failing, I gave up trying altogether. Attempts by myself, or partners, made me feel stressed and miserable. Everyone else seemed to achieve it so naturally...so effortlessly.
Then one day I just snapped. Bought myself a rabbit vibrator and just went for it. Looking back now, I'm not surprised I'd never cum before that day. I'd never allowed myself to fantastise about anyone but my partner. I'd never been at ease with my own body. I'd never owned a clitoral vibrator. I'd had few lovers, all of whom were inexperienced.
It took a few goes. I had to learn not to get uptight about it. I also had to learn not to be scared I'd wee myself. A few towels sorted that out. And then suddenly - one day...oh my god. It was like a bloody cork out of a bottle of champagne. For the next few months I practically wanked my clit off.
Over the next few years I came to think of orgasms as something I had by myself - not something to be shared as part of sex. I could only cum using a vibrator on my clit; and I only knew one way of cumming. I tried a couple of times to introduce it during sex, but we both felt awkward and uncomfortable. Again, I felt like a failure, with bits that didn't work properly, and had to be stimulated mechanically, like some sort of broken doll.
But over the last couple of years I've learnt so much about my own body, and the way my sexuality works. First, I learnt what it was like to let someone else bring me to orgasm. Then I learned what it felt like to cum, not as an end destination, pressured, but just as part of ongoing sex where everybody may or may not get to cum at some point but it doesn't really matter if or when. Then I learned that other things make me cum, too. That it was possible to have more than one kind of orgasm, and that different things could bring it about.
I also learned that having partners who were not worried about it, who would happily enjoy my orgasm if or when it happened, but were not focusing on that as the be-all and end-all of sex, was extremely liberating. And I started having orgasm after orgasm, different kinds, in different ways, during sex. I learned to just....be.....during sex, without thinking - well, anything at all, really! It's taken a lot of experimentation, different people teaching me different things. I had quite a turn when I started gushing for the first time, for example. I thought I'd suddenly become incontinent. I was rather alarmed.
I've also needed to learn not to give a damn about how I look, feel, or sound, during sex. Noises and liquids and god knows what coming out of my body, and I'm just relaxing into that now, really, instead of getting really tense and worried like I used to.
The last few years have been a pretty steep learning curve for me altogether. I used to blog regularly on livejournal, and I was reading through old entries dated back to 2001. I was actually looking for a 'guide to orgasms for girls with difficult mimsys' blog I'd written, after my first orgasm, but sadly couldn't find it.
I was struck by the picture that emerged of my life, just reading through titles of blog entries. For so many years, I was such a sad, scared, lonely girl, just struggling constantly to keep my chin up with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was carrying so much baggage, so many burdens. And gradually I let them all go, one by one. I used to hate by body and my face, and myself. And now, I wouldn't swap my life, my body, my face, for anybody's at all. Because they are mine. They belong to me. And those I choose to share them with.
Yeah. Things are good. :-)
The irony of it is that orgasms used to be such an area of difficulty for me.
I'm 34 now, and it wasn't until my late 20s that I learned how to have an orgasm. And it *was* a learning process. I felt like such a massive freak, not being able to cum. Every time that orgasms came up during girly chit chat (talking about them that is, I'm not referring to a massive lezz session. Although... ) I would feel like a fraud, and try to find some way to exit the conversation without lying or confessing my inadequacy.
And that *is* how I used to see it. As a flaw in me. As my body not working properly. Or me being too mental. Broken. Stamped with a big 'FAIL' over my aunty mary.
I put such pressure on myself that I gave up. Rather than trying, then constantly failing, I gave up trying altogether. Attempts by myself, or partners, made me feel stressed and miserable. Everyone else seemed to achieve it so naturally...so effortlessly.
Then one day I just snapped. Bought myself a rabbit vibrator and just went for it. Looking back now, I'm not surprised I'd never cum before that day. I'd never allowed myself to fantastise about anyone but my partner. I'd never been at ease with my own body. I'd never owned a clitoral vibrator. I'd had few lovers, all of whom were inexperienced.
It took a few goes. I had to learn not to get uptight about it. I also had to learn not to be scared I'd wee myself. A few towels sorted that out. And then suddenly - one day...oh my god. It was like a bloody cork out of a bottle of champagne. For the next few months I practically wanked my clit off.
Over the next few years I came to think of orgasms as something I had by myself - not something to be shared as part of sex. I could only cum using a vibrator on my clit; and I only knew one way of cumming. I tried a couple of times to introduce it during sex, but we both felt awkward and uncomfortable. Again, I felt like a failure, with bits that didn't work properly, and had to be stimulated mechanically, like some sort of broken doll.
But over the last couple of years I've learnt so much about my own body, and the way my sexuality works. First, I learnt what it was like to let someone else bring me to orgasm. Then I learned what it felt like to cum, not as an end destination, pressured, but just as part of ongoing sex where everybody may or may not get to cum at some point but it doesn't really matter if or when. Then I learned that other things make me cum, too. That it was possible to have more than one kind of orgasm, and that different things could bring it about.
I also learned that having partners who were not worried about it, who would happily enjoy my orgasm if or when it happened, but were not focusing on that as the be-all and end-all of sex, was extremely liberating. And I started having orgasm after orgasm, different kinds, in different ways, during sex. I learned to just....be.....during sex, without thinking - well, anything at all, really! It's taken a lot of experimentation, different people teaching me different things. I had quite a turn when I started gushing for the first time, for example. I thought I'd suddenly become incontinent. I was rather alarmed.
I've also needed to learn not to give a damn about how I look, feel, or sound, during sex. Noises and liquids and god knows what coming out of my body, and I'm just relaxing into that now, really, instead of getting really tense and worried like I used to.
The last few years have been a pretty steep learning curve for me altogether. I used to blog regularly on livejournal, and I was reading through old entries dated back to 2001. I was actually looking for a 'guide to orgasms for girls with difficult mimsys' blog I'd written, after my first orgasm, but sadly couldn't find it.
I was struck by the picture that emerged of my life, just reading through titles of blog entries. For so many years, I was such a sad, scared, lonely girl, just struggling constantly to keep my chin up with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was carrying so much baggage, so many burdens. And gradually I let them all go, one by one. I used to hate by body and my face, and myself. And now, I wouldn't swap my life, my body, my face, for anybody's at all. Because they are mine. They belong to me. And those I choose to share them with.
Yeah. Things are good. :-)
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