Burning Bright

here's nothing like some heavy socialising to perk me up.

Until the start of this year, I had no idea BDSM was so fucking *organised*, with munches, and clubs and stuff. Not that it's something I'd explored - I've always been a perve but when in a very long term marriage with a vanilla partner, monogamous, there's not much point in tormenting yourself with what you can't have. Until the pressure builds up to the point where you actually *have* to have it, and you find ways to explore what's out there without undermining the relationship that means so much to you.

Funny, when I began getting my kink on, I unquestioningly assumed it was all about sex. And yes, in the last year I have undoubtedly had some very fine sex indeed, the best I've ever had, in fact. But actually, the most positive experiences have been about friendship. If this was some bloody heartwarming novel, it would have some suitably sickening tag line on the back along the lines of 'she went looking for sex, but what she found was friendships deeper than those she'd ever known'.

And very very satisfying it is too, to make those deep, intimate, emotional connections with people, with or without sex. I'm not sorry. I don't regret doing all this.

So. Friday night, Club with No Name. Drank heavily, met some new lovely chums who were remarkably sanguine about me dribbling on them in an alcoholic haze. Backed up in the form of existing friends who dispensed cuddles, booze and listening as and when required. A good time was not expected, but had nevertheless.

Saturday night, under 35 munch in London followed by Crimson. My stated intention was to find and at least snog someone I found hot, regrettably this mission was not accomplished as the opportunity did not present itself. Never mind. I still got to bump into some very sexy people and say hi, and watch an awesome rope suspension done on our friend. So so beautiful - I LOVE watching suspensions. It actually makes me feel a little bit like crying, but in a good way. There were some slightly uncomfortable circumstances surrounding it, but hey, take the joy where you can get it, right?

I'm not quite back to myself yet - on a night out I can usually feel the energy, the excitement, the lust, sparking through me almost visibly. It's starting to return, slowly, though. Which in itself presents a little bit of a problem - as my libido returns to normal I MUST BE MORE CAREFUL - damn my attraction to bad boys. And bad bad women. There's nothing I find hotter than someone who looks as if they're waiting for me in a dark alley so they can rape me.